By Charlie Stone, author and journalist who has worked for the BBC, several national newspapers in the UK and international media.

作者查理·斯通,作家兼记者,曾供职于BBC、几家英国全国性报纸和国际媒体。

In the mood for love this Valentine’s Day? No? You’re not the only one. While we have never had more opportunity to consume sex-related content, it seems our appetite for getting it on in reality is waning fast.

今年情人节想要爱爱吗?没有?你不是唯一一个。虽然我们从未有过如此多的机会去消费与性有关的内容,但似乎我们在现实生活中对它的兴趣正在迅速消退。

“It’s time to talk more about kink, and take the shame away from it” – at least that’s what some dopey writer in the Guardian says... Except, no it bloody well ISN’T! It’s time to SHUT UP!

“是时候谈谈性癖好,不要再为它感到羞耻了”——至少《卫报》的一些愚蠢写手是这么说的……只是,不是的,他妈的不是的!是时候闭嘴了!


How about people stop babbling on so much about sex and actually have a real-life encounter or two of their own instead? And then, please, just keep the experiences to themselves.

如果人们不再喋喋不休地谈论性,而是在现实生活中有一两次真正地邂逅,会怎么样?然后呢,拜托,请把这些经历留给他们自己。


Just take a quick glance back at the Ancient Greeks or the Romans or the court of Cleopatra. Extravagant sex was just the way it was for the lucky ones. Catherine the Great was – if history is to be believed – a bit of a goer, too.

只需快速回顾一下古希腊人、罗马人或埃及艳后的宫廷就知道了,奢侈的性爱只适合那些幸运儿。叶卡捷琳娜大帝——如果历史可以相信的话——也算个荡妇。


I would bet that human sexual activity and the associated oddities and proclivities that travel with it have barely changed since we hunted bison and lived in caves. Just swap a leather sandal for a kinky boot.

我敢打赌,自从我们捕猎野牛和住在洞穴里以来,人类的性行为以及与之相关的猎奇和癖好几乎没有改变。只要把皮凉鞋换成长皮靴就行了。

What has changed, though, certainly in recent years, is the absolute overload of pornographic images, ‘erotic’ books, websites and… sales, sales, sales. Even the tame Huffington Post, sometimes, seems to be some kind of online sex toy hypermarket.

不过,近年来发生变化的是色情图片、“色情”书籍、网站和……销售,销售,销售。即使是老实的《赫芬顿邮报》,有时看起来也像是某种网上性爱玩具大卖场。

Take, for example, the gadget shop kind of place on my local high street. This is a store that sells pop-mart memorabilia and posters and bits and bobs of jewellery, ‘Best Dad in The World’ and ‘Grumpy Old Man’ coffee mugs and such like. Beside them are sexy maid outfits, fetish handcuffs, lube and vibrators. On a special shelf right beneath the Batman and Stranger Things keyrings. It’s not an ‘adult’ store; in fact it’s mostly teenagers who shop there.

以我所在的商业街上的小杂货店为例。这是一家出售流行纪念品、海报、珠宝、“绝世好爸”和“斗气老顽童”咖啡杯之类的东西的商店,除此之外还有性感的女仆服装、情趣手铐、润滑剂和振动棒,就摆在《蝙蝠侠》和《怪奇物语》钥匙圈下面的一个特殊架子上。这不是一家“成人”商店,事实上在那里购物的大多是青少年。


But here’s the thing; there have been several studies that suggest youngsters these days are actually having less sex than ever before.

但问题是,有几项研究表明现在的年轻人实际上比以往任何时候都缺少性爱。


My guess is all these things are lixed.

我猜这一切都是有联系的。

Maybe it’s partly down to sensory overload. There’s just too much sex everywhere slapping kids across the face. And like everything that you get too much of, it has all become, well, a little bit boring. If you can buy condoms and lube at the supermarket checkout alongside Tic Tacs and chewing gum then, maybe – just maybe – you’re taking away a little bit of the mystery.

也许部分原因是感官过载。到处都有太多的性而且触手可及。就像你得到太多的东西一样,一切都变得,嗯,有点无聊了。如果你能在超市收银台嘀嗒糖和口香糖边上就能买到避孕套和润滑剂,那么,也许——只是也许——你就失去了一点神秘感。

And what is it with this obsession for confessing everything that goes on behind closed doors, alone or otherwise, anyway?

究竟是什么让你如此痴迷于承认关起门来发生的一切,不管是独自的还是其他的?


I don’t just blame the internet. It’s also partly the fault of the worst book ever written; ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’. I would have said “the worst book I’ve ever read,” except I can’t actually finish the thing. It’s just too badly written. I can’t even skip to the juicy bits. I tried. Don’t bother. They’re actually pretty limp and not even all that juicy. It’s just a dodgy fantasy story about bondage with clunky dialogue and cardboard characters.

我不只是责怪互联网。这在一定程度上也是这本史上最烂的书的错:《五十度灰》。我本想说“我读过的最烂的书”,可惜我根本看不下去,只是写得太糟糕了,我都不能直接跳到很刺激的部分。我试过了,不用麻烦了,它们其实很软,甚至不那么刺激。这只是一个关于捆绑的狡猾的幻想故事,有笨拙的对话和刻板的角色。
(译者注:《五十度灰》最初发表在互联网上,当时叫做《宇宙之王》(Master of the Universe),是一篇受《暮光之城》启发创作的SM小说,由于大受欢迎,2011年5月被出版成书。《五十度灰》讲述的只是个再寻常不过的霸道总裁爱上灰姑娘的老套故事,除了那些荷尔蒙决堤的SM情节,一切都跟中文网上一抓一把的玛丽苏小说没什么两样。)

The book will celebrate its 10th anniversary since publication this summer, and has sold something like 150 million copies. The only thing it’s taught anyone is that truly terrible writing can sell by the container load. And spawn a movie that was, arguably, even worse than the book.

这本书今年夏天将迎来出版10周年,迄今已售出约1.5亿册。它教给人们的唯一一件事是,真正糟糕的作品可以以集装箱的数量出售。然后拍出一部可以说比原著更糟糕的电影。

There’s clearly a lot of money in that game. And the book did help give birth to an industry, with people confessing to all the dumb stuff they should leave on the other side of their bedroom doors. (Maybe they’re also hoping for a 150-million-copy pay day…)

那场游戏显然很赚钱,这本书确实帮助催生了一个产业,人们承认了他们应该把所有愚蠢的东西放在卧室门的另一边。(也许他们也希望能有1亿5千万份的收入……)


We need to talk about kink? Nah, mate. We don’t. It’s Valentine’s Day. It’s sales and marketing and you’re just trying to flog some crap book.

我们需要谈谈性癖好吗?不需要,伙计,我们不需要。今天是情人节,这是销售和市场营销,而你只是在推销一本垃圾书。